Ex

This week has been crazy. Got in a fight with Bradley for the second time. We were a hair away from breaking up. That so wasnt fun. But everything is better now. For the time being. He just doesnt understand how much I do love him.

Then I got to hang out with Monica. We havent actually hung out in years. So that was fun. Krislyn and Maggie got to meet for the first time. They're only two months apart. Im suppose to go stay with her tonite. We'll see how that goes cuz I have to take both kids with me. And cayden is crazyyyy.

Ok another thing, that is driving me absolutely insane. Jonathan, Billy's father, is being extremely nice to me. The other night he called me like 3 times. And hes always bringing stuff up that happened when we were together. Like yesterday, when I was on the phone wit Brad he started fucking with me, I think hes trying to fuck things up with me and Brad. But hes not going to succeed. He had his chance with me and he totally ruined it. I am completely in love with Bradley.

Bipolar Boyfriend

So today is the second time this week that Bradley and I have fought. And its starting to get old already. I honestly think he is trying to push me away. And I think that he is bipolar. This time today I didn't even do anything to the boy. All I did was call him back and was trying to talk to him and he snapped at me. And then when I texted him he said that I was being annoying because I was talking to him like I was never going to see him again. Well you know what, you never know, and im so fucking sorry that I miss you. Excuse me for actually caring about my boyfriend. And the thing that really pisses me off is what was last said. I told him Im sorry that his video game is so more important than i am and he said that it was. OMG. thats the straw that broke the camels back. Who the fuck would say that to someone they are suppose to love. He doesn't love me. He doesn't care and he doesn't want to be with me. Thats just ridiculous. And I never had a problem with him playing video games like most girls would. Hell I like video games and I actually went out to get an xbox so he;ll have one here. What an ass. Im trying so hard with him and I keep getting slapped across the face. Im done trying. Im done giving it my everything. If he doesn't care why should I?

So yesterday I recieved emails from Dale - Maggie's biological father. And he has said that he wants to sign his rights over. Which is wonderful, but at the same time it upsets me because he doesn't want to step up. But now Bradley can adopt lil Maggie =]. Which he is her father anyways. Anyone can make babies, but it takes a true man to be a daddy. I think I kinda upset Bradley tho because he knows that Dale saying that got to me and hes probably wondering why. Its just that I know when maggie gets older shes gonna wonder why here blood father didn't want to take care of her. Shes going to feel like she wasn't good enough. I know how shes going to feel because I had to go through it. But then again, shes going to have a wonderful life with Bradley. I know he loves all of us. And he wants to be her father. Which makes me love him so much more. He's an amazing man. His love is so pure and strong. Ive never been in a relationship like this. There's no fighting, no abuse, no tears, no sadness, its pure, its loving, its everything Ive ever wanted. I love him more than I have ever loved in the past. And thats strong. I can't wait to marry this man. December 31!!!!

So I have to work today and I totally don't feel like it. All I do is work. I want to spend the day with my babies again. Yesterday I had the day off and I took Cayden to see Monsters vs Aliens. It was great to have mommy and Cayden time. He feels left out alot because of the lil babies. I need to do that more often. He loved it. He had his lil popcorn and mommy even let him pick out his own candy. Of course he had to pick the package that had spongebob on the front which was cotton candy. He didn't like it that much. Bu that lil bit he did have sure did get him wired. God I love being a mommy. Its the most rewarding thing ever. I know alot of people talk crap about me. Having 3 babies by 3 different men and only being 21 years old. But I cna't take it back and honestly I wouldn't if i could because i wouldn't have my children. And yea i could have them in the future but they wouldn't be the same lil buddle of joys i have now.

Well I feel asleep last night without talking to the hubby. I haven't talked to him since like 7 yesterday and its killing me. I cna't go that long without talking to him =[.

Well ima get off of here for now. Until next time...te amo

So this is my first post on here. So im kinda new to it, so stick with me. I use to have xanga but this is different. So anyways. Ive been through alot in my life and its been very difficult. Don't get me wrong there has been some pretty good times. But you know how it is. The bad times out shine the good. when it should be the other way around. I remember when i was in elementary school, no worries, no pressure, everything was great. Then i started to go to clark and everything changed. Clicks were formed and the peer pressure started. Of course i was deemed not cool. And i was put into the loner category. Which was ok with me because I really didn't care what people ethought of me anyways. I had some really great friends tho. Then my mom wanted to move so i wouldn't have to go to south high school. So we moved to Tremont City, and I attended Northwestern High school. I was in the color guard all four years. My sophmore year I started dating Michael. Man I thought he was the best. I thought I was gonna marry him. That he was everything. My Junior year I ended up getting pregnant. Michael and his parents wanted me to get an abortion but I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life. And when i told them that i wasn't doing that and i was keeping him, they said that i was in it for the money haha. I put up with alot of peoples shit at school. but i always kept my head up. This is when Michael started cheating on me all the time. I gave birth to my baby boy in the summer on June 14. His name is Cayden. Red hair, gorgeous. I went back to school for my senior year. Everyone thoguth that i would drop out like all other teenage mothers do but my son gave me even more reason to graduate. So my senior year of high school. I would take care of my son, go to school, go to color guard practice, do my homework, go to bed and do it all over again. It was extremely hard but it was totally worth it. And i took care of my son with no help from michael. We were still together but he was cheating on my all the time and he wouldn't do anything for cayden. After we graduated we got an apartment together and I thought everything was getting better. But we still fought all the time where it ended up in him putting his hands on me. So one day I took Cayden and we moved back to my moms. At the time I was working at goodwill, and I ended up meeting Jonathan who I worked with. We started talking alot. And within a month we were dating. And again, I fell head over heels. He would say everything right. But like every other guy it was just so I would fall for him and after I did he showed his true colors. I thought that he was the one and that we were going to get married and blah blah blah. We'll we decided to have a baby. And after three months of trying, I got pregnant with our baby boy. Jonathan was so overprotective of everything I did when i was pregnant. When billy joe was born, JOnathan thought he knew everything and I knew nothing. Which lead to us fighting all the time. I ended up putting a knife to my wrist. But was to scared to do it cuz I didn't want to leave my children behind. Well he ended up using that against me to get custody of lil billy joe. And despite everything that he did to me with the custody of billy and him beating me constantly and controling everything i did. We still got an apartment and I still wanted to marry him. Well we were off and on all the time. And at one point I started dating someone that I worked with named Dale. Well I ended up going back to Jonathan like always. And then I found out i was pregnant again. Jonathan knew that there was a chance that the baby wasn't his. Well we still fought all the damn time. And he ended up cheating on me with Ashley. So I left. He is now living with her and they are expecting a baby and they're getting married. Well my daughter was born in December. Marguerite Ann. We went down to child support and took a paternity test and Jonathan turned out not to be the daddy. So then Michael and Dale went and took their tests. Well yesterday I found out that Michael's test came back negative which means that Dale is her daddy. Which Dale and I don't get along at all. We haven't talked since he found out I was pregnant. And it wasn't a very nice conversation.

So Ive been dating Bradley Scott for two months now and its been absolutely amazing. We dated in 5th grade. We were eachothers first kiss. He is great with my children. He is totally the one for me. But today he has let it known that he doesn't like the fact that I have 3 baby daddys. Its not like I planned to. And its not like Im a slut either. I mean Ive been with 3 guys in the past 7 years. Look at all these other chicks out there and how many men they sleep with. I just am very fertile. It kinda hurt me when he said this to me. But there is nothing that I can do. I can't change it and yo uknow what if i had the chance i wouldn't because I wouldn't have my children and my children are my life. But despite this, i love bradley scott smeal with everything I am. He is the one Im going to marry.